Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just pee around me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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