Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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