you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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