This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
