when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
