I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
