My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
