there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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