saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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