Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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