Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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