What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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