I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
