i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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