Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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