They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
