You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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