you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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