she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
