kristin has been a bad kristin
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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