I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We have started to decorate penises.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
