SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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