there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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