Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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