I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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