It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
