I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Boobs speak an international language.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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