i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
