i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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