so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
