His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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