She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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