i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
