I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
