everyone is single if you try hard enough
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
