I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
