It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
