YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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