i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
