why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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