Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will pee on everything he values.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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