DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
