My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
