I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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