I just pynch a tree in the face
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
