We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
