were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I would ride that face into the sunset
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
