Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
