Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
