Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
