i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
