he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
