based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
