we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
