is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
