Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
