how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
