we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
