Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Acid is not a monday night drug
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
