..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this just has baby written all over it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
