he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
