He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize