Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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