Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The air was thick with penises
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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