is your mom at the bar?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
