yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
