...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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