So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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