How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
