Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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