Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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