how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize