Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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