he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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