Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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