Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
